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A RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO Sam's Club
Yesterday I was at Sam's Club, buying a large bag of Purina dog
chow for my loyal pet, Owen,
the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me
asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant?
So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse, I told her
that no, I didn't have a dog,
I was just starting the Purina Diet again.
I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital
last time,
but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward
with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that
it works is,
to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or
two every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and I
was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now
enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog
food poisoned me.
I told her no, I had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.
Sam's Club won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask
retired people.
They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
