"D" is for Diet
1. My goal for 2017 was to lose just 10
pounds. Only 15 to go.
2. Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons &
tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered
with tomato sauce. And cheese. FINE, it was a pizza. I
ate a pizza.
3. How to prepare Tofu:
a. Throw it in the trash
b. Grill some meat
4. I just did a week's worth of cardio after
walking into a spider web.
5. I don't mean to brag, but I finished my
14-day diet food in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
6. A recent study has found women who carry a little
extra weight live longer than men who mention
7. Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I
was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to
change the TV channel.
8. Senility has been a smooth transition for me.
9. Remember back when we were kids and every time it
was below zero out they closed school? Me neither.
10. I may not be that funny or athletic or good
looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was
going with this.
11. I love being over 70. I learn something new every
day and forget 5 others.
12. A thief broke into my house last night. He started
searching for money so I woke up and searched with
13. I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on
my forehead and call it a day.
14. November 6, 2017 will be the end of Daylight
Savings Time. Hope you don't forget to set your
bathroom scale back 10 pounds on Saturday night.
15. Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin
to pick up speed.